


Cars + Parking Lots

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: Buck had been parking in the same spot since he started working at the 118 nearly two years ago. If he got to work early enough, he could sit in his car and enjoy some additional peace and quiet before the chaos of the day.That is, until Eddie started parking next to him.---A simple morning routine leads to realization and a little sadness along the way.
Relationships: Ana Flores/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 612





	Cars + Parking Lots

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a Cimorelli song of the same name. [You can listen to it here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaGdJUAXyq0)

Buck had been parking in the same spot since he started working at the 118 nearly two years ago. 

Originally, he had chosen that spot because it was in the shade most of the time. Buck had been in Los Angeles long enough to know how hot it could get. And after a day of fighting fires and saving lives, Buck didn’t want to get into a car that was well over 100 degrees. So, he was more than happy to park there every day. 

As time went on, he also realized it was the furthest spot from the building. If he got to work early enough, he could sit in his car and enjoy some additional peace and quiet before the chaos of the day. 

That is, until Eddie started parking next to him. 

He had pulled into his usual spot one day to find Eddie’s car in the spot next to his. Buck thought about getting Eddie’s attention, but instead decided to enjoy the quiet moments before work. 

“Buck?” Eddie was tapping on the window, getting his attention. Buck rolled down the window of the jeep and nodded to Eddie. “You heading inside?”

“In a second,” Buck said. “I like to enjoy the last moments of quiet before the day.”

“This is one of those times when it’s obvious you don’t have a kid,” Eddie said with a smirk. “My day stops being quiet the moment Christopher gets up.”

“Yeah but that’s good noise,” Buck countered, smiling at the mention of Christopher. “I’m talking about the chaos of work. The firehouse is loud. Chim’s always cracking jokes, Bobby’s always banging on something in the kitchen. Not to mention the crazy echo.” Eddie chuckled at that. “So, if I can, I just sit here and enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“Should I go then?” Eddie asked. Buck looked at his friend. Eddie just looked back at him with his calm and patient eyes and Buck couldn’t help but smile. There was something about Eddie that always just put Buck at ease.

“Nah, you can stay,” Buck said. “You’re good noise too.” So, Eddie stood by the window as they casually chatted. 

* * *

It quickly became a ritual. Buck would pull into the spot and find Eddie still sitting in his car. As soon as he noticed Buck, he’d get out and hang by the window. Somedays, they’d chat about the previous shift. Other days, they’d talk about Christopher. And some days, they’d just hang in comfortable silence. 

“No I’m telling you this plant has grown six inches in a week.” They were currently talking about Chris’s garden. He had planted it for fun after the success of his plant in science class from the previous year. Buck nodded, sipping from his coffee. “I don’t know where this kid learned to care for plants. I’d have killed it two days in.” Buck chuckled and Eddie smiled a little. Something in the way Eddie’s eyes lingered on Buck made Buck’s ear turn a little pink.

Buck had realized he had grown to really care for this morning ritual. It was nice, just to talk to Eddie before work. Sometimes, it made him feel like Eddie was the only one who understood him. And that idea made his head dizzy.

He wasn’t blind. Eddie was a good-looking guy. But it was the little things, like Eddie standing by his car window, resting his arm on the window, just chatting with him, that made Buck’s stomach do flips. And when Eddie would bring him coffee or leftovers from his Abuela, he felt like his heart could beat right out of his chest. 

He cared about Eddie, more than he should, more than was normal. How could he not? Eddie was willing to stand by his car and keep him company. Eddie invited him over for movie nights. Eddie kept him updated on Christopher and how he was doing in school. Eddie just smiled if Buck laughed a little too hard at a joke or rambled a weird fact. He didn’t know if it was love, but it was something. 

The only thing was, he knew Eddie wouldn’t feel the same. Eddie was the opposite of Buck. Buck was loud and rambunctious, reckless and risk-prone. Eddie was sturdy, calm, and contained. Not to mention, Buck wasn’t worthy of those kinds of feelings from Eddie. As much as he tried not to, Buck remembered the fight at the grocery store. He remembered the venom in Eddie’s eyes, the anger in his words. And he remembered those two words that nearly crushed Buck’s heart. 

_ You’re exhausting _ .

At the time, he was so focused on getting his job back that the truth of those words didn’t hit him. But he knew it was true. He was a lot to deal with. He was exhausting. And he was just lucky that Eddie forgave him and was still willing to be his friend. 

It was enough that Eddie would stand by his car window before their shifts and listen to Buck. He could never expect more out of Eddie because he didn’t deserve more. 

This was enough for Buck.

* * *

The first time Eddie wasn’t there in the morning, Buck thought nothing of it. LA had bad traffic. Or maybe Christopher needed help getting a project to school. 

The second time Eddie wasn’t there, Buck was sad but didn’t say anything. 

The third time, Buck noticed that Eddie parked in a different spot. 

He tried not to over-analyze why. There could be any number of reasons why Eddie had parked somewhere different. It wasn’t like he promised Buck he’d hang out with him before work. And Buck didn’t want to tell him how important that morning ritual had become because he didn’t want to make it about him. He didn’t want to be selfish. 

By the time he dragged himself upstairs, the rest of the team was already around the table eating breakfast. 

“Buckaroo!” Buck attempted a smile as he took his usual seat next to Eddie. “Moving a little slow today, I see.”

“Just tired,” Buck mumbled, filling his plate with food. He noticed Eddie glance at him, felt those brown eyes pierce his skin, but he kept his eyes on his plate. 

“Well Eddie was just about to tell us about his date.” Buck looked up at that. He glanced at Eddie, who just shrugged. Eddie hadn’t mentioned a date. He hadn’t even mentioned being interested in dating. Something about that made Buck’s stomach twist and his appetite decrease.

“It was just coffee,” Eddie said. “It was Ana’s idea, but I thought it would be nice.”

“Ana?” Buck asked. “As in Christopher’s teacher?”

“She’s not his teacher anymore.” Buck just nodded the knot in his stomach only growing. Eddie went on a date. Eddie went out with Ana. Eddie was spending time with Ana and not him. It made Buck feel sick, unable to stomach his breakfast. He wanted to be happy for his friend, but all he felt was misery for himself.

* * *

Their morning routine in the parking lot had all but disappeared. Eddie no longer parked in the spot next to his. There was no chatting before work, Eddie’s arm resting against the window, his easy smile worming its way into Buck’s heart. 

Now, it was Eddie telling the team about dates with Ana. About coffee shops and restaurants they tried. Or about how they took Christopher to the botanical garden or to a movie. All which Eddie talked about with an easy smile on his face. 

Buck tried to listen with a smile on his face. Eddie deserved happiness. He deserved someone who could make him smile and who loved Christopher. 

Buck had just hoped that person could be him. 

* * *

It was two weeks into Eddie’s tales of dates with Ana that Buck saw them together. 

It was a Saturday morning and Buck had long since given up on waiting for Eddie to pick up their morning ritual. It was over and Buck had to accept that. They were still friends and still close, but Buck still felt like he lost something. 

As he exited his car and headed towards the firehouse. He saw them. And Buck felt his heart be torn right out of his chest. 

Eddie was standing in front of a car Buck didn’t recognize. Buck could see Ana sitting in the driver’s seat, a bright smile on her face. Eddie’s arm was on the roof of the car, smiling as he spoke to her. There was an ease to their conversation, an ease their conversations in the morning used to have. 

And then Eddie leaned down and kissed her. 

His arm stayed on the roof of the car, the other, reaching down to caress her face. Ana’s hand covered his, smiling into the kiss. And Buck just stood there, heartbroken by what he was seeing. 

He had wanted that to be them. He had wanted Eddie to cross that threshold. He had imagined what it would feel like to kiss Eddie Diaz. Now, watching him kiss Ana, he knew that would never happen. He knew he would never get to know that feeling. And that broke something inside of him. 

Eddie pulled away and smiled at Ana, before turning towards the station. When he spotted Buck, the smile on his face fell away. Buck just turned away quickly, trying to hide how much what he had witnessed hurt him. 

But that kiss was seared into his brain. Because it would never be him on the other end.

* * *

Buck tried to stay away from Eddie. He couldn’t let Eddie know how heartbroken he was. He couldn’t let him know how much he wished that was him that Eddie was kissing. So, he had to stay away, to make it hurt less. He couldn’t do movie nights because it was too hard being around Eddie, knowing he was thinking about Ana or wanting to talk about a date with Ana. He missed Christopher, but he knew Ana was going to eventually replace him in Christopher’s heart, like she already had with Eddie. 

He thought he was being subtle about it. He was trying to act like nothing was different at work. They still worked seamlessly together. He still sat next to Eddie during meals. But he found reasons to be busy while he was at the station, instead of just sitting around and chatting with Eddie. And if Eddie asked about Buck coming over for a movie night or just to hang out, Buck would find an excuse. 

“Hey.” It was a few weeks after Buck had seen Eddie and Ana kiss. He had been trying so hard to distance himself from Eddie. And yet, the man in question had stopped him in the locker room. “Christopher wanted to know if you could come by for movie night.”

“I can’t.”

“You said that last time.” Buck just tried to keep his face neutral. “Come on man, Christopher misses you.”

“Maddie needs my help with something.” Eddie gave Buck a look and Buck just tried to ignore the heavier beating in his chest.

“Chimney said he was taking Maddie on a date tonight.” Buck paled at that. He hadn’t been listening earlier, but he vaguely remembered Chimney mentioning something about an anniversary with Maddie and a dinner he planned. “Man, what is going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not.” Eddie gave Buck a look and Buck huffed. He couldn’t do this. Not now. Not when he was doing so well at hiding how much knowing Ana was kissing Eddie killed him. “I just can’t, okay?” He grabbed his bag and quickly left the locker room. He moved as fast as he could, just wanting to get to his car and go home. He didn’t want to talk to Eddie. He didn’t want Eddie to know how much he was hurting. 

But then Eddie was grabbing his arm, stopping him from getting into his car. 

“Leave me alone!” Buck shouted, trying to wrench his arm away. Eddie held onto his arm, staring at Buck intently. 

“Not until you tell me why the hell you’re avoiding me!” Buck went to talk but Eddie cut him off. “You barely talk to me at work unless we’re on a call. You never come over for movie night. Sometimes, it feels like you can’t even look at me!”

“Because I can’t!” Buck shouted back. “I can’t act like you’re not going to push me away. I’ve already lost too many people. I can’t lose anyone else.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Buck shook his head, trying not to cry. 

“I already am.” The pain that had been building since he saw Eddie with Ana was bubbling out, seeping everywhere and ruining everything. “You have Ana now. She’s all you talk about. You…” Buck glanced over at his car, missing those mornings, which felt like a million years ago. Eddie’s eyes followed Buck, a sad look crossing his face.

“Buck.”

“I can’t sit around while you replace me with Ana.” His voice was so quiet, he wasn’t sure Eddie heard him. But then Eddie let go of his wrist, staring wide-eyed at Buck. And Buck took that moment to get into his car and drive away, hoping Eddie couldn’t see how much he was crying.

He knew he was going to lose Eddie. But he didn’t expect it to happen like this.

* * *

Buck had been wallowing in his apartment since his fight with Eddie. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. He didn’t have anyone else. While his friends had families and loved ones to go home to, Buck had an empty apartment. He no longer had Eddie to fill that void.

It had never been right to expect Eddie to fill the hole in Buck’s heart. That wasn’t Eddie’s job. It was wrong of Buck to think Eddie could want what Buck wanted. Eddie had a life. He had a family in LA that looked out for him and helped him. He had the best kid in the world. And he had Ana. Buck was just an exhausting addition.

And yet, his brain kept dragging him back to those mornings in the parking lot. How easy it was to just sit there and talk to Eddie. How Eddie would listen or distract Buck’s reckless thinking with a different topic. How his fingers would dance across the window and Buck wished they would just rest on his arm.

He loved Eddie, that much was true. It was why losing those talks in the parking lot hurt. It was why watching him talk about Ana or kiss her broke Buck. He loved Eddie and Eddie didn’t love him.

How was he supposed to go back to work? How was he supposed to work alongside Eddie when he knew their friendship would never be the same?

Maybe the solution was no to. Maybe, Buck needed a transfer. He’d been offered one after the lawsuit. Maybe that was what he needed. 

Maybe that would make it easier.

* * *

Buck pulled into his parking spot the next morning, dreading work that day. He had barely slept the night before weighing his decision. He could just go right to Bobby’s office and ask for a transfer. He could make some sort of excuse though he knew Bobby would want to talk to him about it. 

It was the only choice he had.

Suddenly, he felt like someone was watching him. He turned his head and saw Eddie sitting in his car, parked next to his. Buck felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He couldn’t do this. Not now, not today. 

He quickly got out of his car, grabbing his bag. However, Eddie was suddenly there, staring at him. 

“We need to talk.” Buck shook his head and tried to get past him. “Damn it Evan!” Buck froze. It was weird hearing Eddie say his name, his real name. He looked at Eddie and swallowed, trying to not burst then and there. 

“What?” He expected Eddie to go off on him. To call him exhausting or selfish for not being happy for his happiness. He expected Eddie to yell at him and say that Ana was the best thing that happened to him and Buck was just an annoying distraction. 

“I broke up with Ana.” Buck felt his mouth go dry. That was certainly not what he was expecting. “I tried to make it work with her. I tried to be happy, tried because she liked me and was kind and I thought it would be easy. But it wasn’t. I couldn’t be with her when my heart wasn’t in it.”

“Eddie.”

“Just shut up and let me talk.” Buck nodded, his mouth snapping shut. “Ana was nice, but she wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to feel something when I was with her, but I couldn’t.” Buck just watched him, his brain not fully comprehending what Eddie was saying. Because he couldn’t be saying what Buck wanted to hear. That was impossible. 

“Talking to you every morning before work was easy,” Eddie continued. “But it felt different. It didn’t...it wasn’t like.” Eddie sighed. “So, I stopped, because I was scared. I was scared of what the hell was going on in my head when I stood here every morning. I was scared that I’d be the one to ruin our friendship. That I’d be the one to lose you.” Buck could feel his eyes tearing up, unable to truly believe what he was hearing.

“Eddie.”

“We’re idiots, you know that?” Buck was about to say something, but he was stopped by Eddie’s mouth on his. Buck was too startled to do anything at first. This couldn’t be real. He was dreaming. There was no way...His brain couldn’t finish that thought as he felt Eddie’s mouth move against his. Eddie’s lips were softer than he expected. Buck felt himself melting into the kiss, felt his arms falling to Eddie’s hips, pulling the other man closer to him.

He wanted to drown in this moment. He never wanted to kiss another person again after tasting Eddie’s lips on his. He almost moaned when he felt Eddie’s lips pull away from his. But then Eddie was looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes and Buck thought he might just melt there on the spot. 

“You’re who I want,” Eddie said, a little breathless. “You’re the one who makes me happy. And I’m not scared of that anymore.”

“I love you,” Buck said, finally able to process and form a coherent sentence. “I love you so damn much, Eddie Diaz.” Eddie smiled and pressed a gentle kiss against Buck’s lips.

“I love you too,” Eddie said, his breath ghosting over Buck’s lips, making Buck smile. Eddie glanced down at his watch. “We’ve still got a few minutes before work, if you want to catch up.”

“I think there’s other things we can be doing,” Buck said, his fingers drawing circles on Eddie’s hips. Eddie chuckled and let Buck pull him back in for another kiss. And Buck smiled into the kiss, knowing he was going to have a new favorite morning ritual.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](http://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
